In the mean time

While my brain is not functioning in the sense of writing thought provoking insights about my life, I hope you instead enjoy a little trip through my music library. Now this is an experiment and one I hope you find fun and interesting because I have no idea when my little nut head will start sputtering words of wisdom again, so you may be in for a long trip through my music library.

I've wanted to try this out for a while anyway. This first song is from the Cranberries, To the Faithful Departed. The song is called Bosnia. It's a bit dated in that it talks about the brutal civil war there and a theme of when will someone or foreign government step in (which is a theme that comes around again in a song down the list). The other interesting part of the song which I enjoy comes in just after the 3rd minute. This is when one melody starts, and then another different melody runs under the first (the children singing at 3:40), and then another joins in (horns at 4:10). They are different, yet harmonious. And woven together have a powerful presence.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zJgk8z9CpE8
don't pay any attention to the comments, just chose that link because it isn't the actual music video.

The next piece is by Linkin Park, Minutes to Midnight. Song is Hands Held High. This one has a bit of explicit language so your virgin ears have been warned. Again this is slightly dated in that it was made during the Bush (Junior) administration and is about the dreary outlook with some of his war policies. This song although has some rough language is beautiful in its chorus. They mix rap with a lyrical three part harmony (a trademark of the band). The chorus also mixes two different choruses together ("amen" and "with hands held high into the sky so blue"). This is an effect in music whether singing or instrumental which I gravitate to and enjoy listening to over and over again. Perhaps it is why I got a torturous pleasure out of learning Bach's Inventions on the piano.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5jQ0njClBKI
again chose a video that isn't the music video or some one's interpretation. Whether or not you agree with what is sung, the piece is constructed in an interesting way with the harsh sounding verses and softer lyrical chorus.

The next song is also by Linkin Park, Minutes to Midnight. Song is The Little Things Give you Away. No potty mouths this time. This one again is beautiful to me. Makes me tear up every time, no matter how many times I listen to it. Only one word: Katrina.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5-EmcOli28U
Again this song has an overlapping element. "The little things give you away" and "All you've ever wanted was someone to truly look up to you"

And finally the world would not be complete without a bit of whistling. The Bravery, The Sun and The Moon. Song: Bad Sun. I just have to whistle along with it every time I hear it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VPS0wH8zUqs

I hope this was an interesting journey through some of my musical tastes. And hopefully you music majors out there won't make too much fun of how I try to describe things, I only have a minor in music, not a real degree.

Space Invaders

The video arcade game Space Invaders was released in 1978 and was one of the games I used to play on our attari when I was a kid. I do believe the world has been invaded, and people just don’t realize it. Enter the new and improved Space Invader.




heh heh heh

A Fifty One Minute and Twenty Second Moment in Song

Something a little different this time. I talk a lot about my job and other experiences in my life usually pertaining to my job here but another big part of my life is music. Some of you know this and others of you don’t. And although I don’t play any of those instruments very much anymore, the music is still very much apart of me. I never played music for the pleasure of others as much as I played for my own enjoyment. And so here is one of the soundtracks that has touched me and says a lot about me for a brief blip of my life. The blip happened to be the flight home from New Zealand and the months following the trip. Now I know I’ve talked quite extensively about the trip and such so just indulge me one last time…. or two or three.

Jack Johnson’s, Sleep Through the Static



I started listening to the album while flipping through all the music the flight offered. I needed something to distract me from myself and since we were experiencing turbulence, I couldn't watch anything (would have made me sick). And I wanted to sleep but couldn't due to the aforementioned turbulence and the fact that we were packed in like sardines. So I selected Jack Johnson. He was also fresh in my head because his other album, "In Between Dreams" was played a few times by our guides on the bus with their little ishuffle and tiny speaker.

The first song: All At Once

All at once,
The world can overwhelm me
There's almost nothin' that you could tell me
That could ease my mind

Which way will you run
When it's always all around you
And the feelin' lost and found you again
A feelin' that we have no control
Around the sun
Some say
There's gonna be the new hell
Some say
It's still too early to tell
Some say
It really ain't no myth at all

Keep askin' ourselves are we really
Strong enough
There's so many things that we got
Too proud of
We're too proud of
We're too proud of

I wanna take the preconceived
Out from underneath your feet
We could shake it off
Instead we'll plant some seeds
We'll watch em' as they grow
And with each new beat
From your heart the roots grow deeper
The branches will they reach for what
Nobody really knows
But underneath it all
Theres this heart all alone

What about is gone
And it really won't be so long
Sometimes it feels like a heart is no place to be singin' from at all

Theres a world we've never seen
Theres still hope between the dreams
The weight of it all
Could blow away with a breeze
If your waiting on the wind
Don't forget to breathe
Cause as the darkness gets deeper
We'll be sinkin as we reach for love
At least somethin we could hold
But I'll reach to you from where time just cant go

What about is gone
And it really wont be so long
Sometimes it feels like a heart is no place to be singin' from at all


What hit me right off was the first few verses. It was exactly how I felt at that moment in time. I was overwhelmed emotionally. I couldn't escape my own mind running over and over my life and that I seemed to be stuck and didn't know how to get out. And it just hit me like a sack full of quarters upside the head. And it brought me to the brink of tears. I didn't want to be going home. But I knew I had to. But then, did I really?

What You Thought You Need

I can't give you everything you want
But I could give you what you thought you need.
A map to keep beneath your seat, you've been to me in time I'll get you there.
I fold it up so we don't find our way back soon, nobody knows we're here.

We can park the van and walk to town
Find the cheapest bottle of wine that we could find
And talk about the road behind how getting lost is not a waste of time.

The water moor will take us home in the moment we will sing as the forest sleeps.

Well it's all for the sake of arriving with you
Well it's all .. for the sake of arriving with you

Well, I will make the table into a bed
The candle is burning down its time to rest.
I can't take back things already gone, but I could give you promises for keeps.

And I would only take them back if they become your own and you give them to me .

And it's all for the sake of arriving with you.
Well it's all for the sake of arriving with you.

We could make this into anything
We could make this into more than words we speak.
This could make us into anything
It could make us grow and become what we'll be.

Mmmmmm...
How and we really know
It's just like it feels.

This one hit home the loneliness I feel at times and my want of companionship. I went to New Zealand alone, spent a week on my own there, and was now flying home alone. And I kept thinking how much I would enjoy trips like the one I just did more if I had someone to experience it right along with me. Now I know I don't need anyone. But want and need are two very different things.

Go On

What is the purpose of my life
If it doesn't ever do
With learning to let it go
Live vicariously through you
You can do the same
It's the least you can do
Cause it's a lonely little chain
If you don't add to it

That is just a portion of the song, but it has a point. We all must play our part. There is a purpose, at least we all tend to search for a purpose. Or we live vicariously through others with "more exciting" lives than our own. But we should live for ourselves, and not live lives that other people think we should.

I listened to the album a few times on the flight and then I found myself listening to it at home and in the car, to and from work. I can't decide if it helps or hinders my depressive moods. I haven't been listening to it exclusively lately, although while writing this I have listened to it twice now in a row. When I listen to it, I am right back in the plane bouncing around in the turbulence thinking about what I experienced in NZ, what I did, what I should have done, things I said, should have said, and the uncertainty of my future. Sorrow and mourning what I left, and having to face reality back home. I just find it fascinating that a piece of music will come along at a certain point in my life and just fit.

If you are interested you can listen to the album here and it is available through itunes. http://www.jango.com/music/Jack+Johnson?l=0

First fieldtrip of 2010

Winter in the high desert is actually quite nice. I'm in Lancaster which is considered in the high Mojave Desert. Joshua Tree's, greasewood, cholla, buckwheat, and creasote abound. The snakes are still underground hibernating so you don't have to worry about venom bites. The fiddleneck and other pokey sharp plants are not so pokey and sharp yet. The grasses are turning green and aren't tall past your knees yet. The poppies aren't out yet so there aren't a lot of stupid tourists around stomping on them all. It is very cold in the mornings and evenings, but it is almost t-shirt weather by noon after you have been walking for a few miles.

I'm here in the desert working on what we call a Road Story Survey. Basically we are walking already existing roads or new proposed roads to be built to access transmission towers that are or will soon be built. This is not my project, which means I am not in charge. I like it. I'm acting more like a field crew chief rather than a supervisor. It is a nice change. I don't have to worry about the money, or plan out the days, who's going where, which vehicles, do we have enough vehicles, so-and-so needs this, so-and-so needs that. No running around like a chicken with it's head chopped off. This job is actually enjoyable for the most part. We were staying in what most people would consider a crappy hotel the first 4 nights, but after being in Taft for 6.5 months where the best hotel had a cockroach problem and a recovering meth addict for a hotel manager, a crappy yet clean hotel is quite nice. I think my standards have been severely lowered. I'm just happy to have clean sheets without unknown stains and cig. burns.


One unfamiliar with the desert may think that there is not a whole lot to see out here and think that people way back when would not chose to live in a place like this. But in reality, even though this is a very harsh environment, life abounds. And in this particular area, not to long ago there was plenty of water. It was only when us genius Californians decided to farm the heck out of the area did the water table drop so far that now it is almost impossible to drill a well deep enough to find water, hence now getting water for agriculture via the California Aqueduct. Human occupation of the area reaches as far back as some of the very first (what we call) paleo-indians. Meaning soon after the little ice-age 15,000-20,000 years ago, people were able to migrate here. That is freakin' old! And just to add icing to this black dirt cake, under this human occupation are fossils from when us primates weren't even primates yet(I'm talking millions upon millions of years old)! How cool is that?

It looks as though I may be spending quite a bit of time down here and farther south into the land known as Los Angeles for much of this year. And although the archaeology is interesting and that I actually enjoy the desert, I don't want to be down here all the time. I would like to actually spend time living in my house and not just visiting it on occasion a few times a month.

Romancing the Nomad

Nomad–noun
1. a member of a people or tribe that has no permanent abode but moves about from place to place, usually seasonally and often following a traditional route or circuit according to the state of the pasturage or food supply.
2. any wanderer; itinerant.


I’ve always been romanced by the nomadic life, yet I don’t live it nor do I want to. But I find it fascinating. I’ve met quite a few people who do live it in one way or another. I’m not talking about the more traditional sense of the word like the people of Mongolia or the Eurasian steppes. But those living here and there in the more industrial world. Many of them are in the same field as myself. They move from company to company, job to job. Many do not have a home or apartment and live basically on the job and in their vehicle, or couch surf with friends and relatives. They travel all over the U.S. and some travel the world. The other nomads I’ve met are people like the guides I had in New Zealand. They have lived in more countries than I have even visited, done more different jobs than I can count, work a job long enough to save money to go travel somewhere. And even though they may have a home base, they are never there for very long. I'm not making this sound very appealing, am I? It's an adventure.

In a way, I am envious. There is a sense of freedom that the life of a nomad has that someone like myself does not. They meet all sorts of interesting people, see amazing country, see and do things that I never will. I can’t even imagine the knowledge they gain and have. They live in the here and now. It seems care-free. Living in the moment. And although that excites me, it also frightens me. Perhaps it has been ingrained into my very being that only I am responsible for myself and my own well-being when I am old and can no longer work. Save save save because the government will not be able to support you. Save save save because you don’t have a spouse or children to take care of you. Save save save because you may loose that 401k. You get the idea. I’m always thinking about the future. What will I do five years from now when my sister and I sell the house? Will I have enough money to buy a place for myself? Will I be on my own? What about when I can no longer physically do the job I have now? I don’t have a back-up plan. What about when I’m 80 years old and can’t live on my own? Who will take care of me? And quite frankly, I’m scared to death about getting old and dying.

My brain is always pushing itself out to the future, trying to prepare me for what lies ahead. And this causes anxiety. But the future is not written. I worry and fret and put money away for an unknown life that may or may not need anything.

One could argue that I am a part-time nomad. 50% of the year, I am away from home traveling for work. Although six and a half months in Taft is not my idea of a nomadic lifestyle. But I do tend to travel to places in California, that many regular joe folk don't get to. My path is usually pretty set though. I get my assignment, I go do the job, and I come back. I always come back. But because it is my job, I don't really have much choice in where I get sent, and it is limited to central and southern California. See the six and a half months in Taft reference. The nomad however can pick and choose where to go, what to do.

Now I know I'm making this very simple. It's the "idea" of the nomad remember? So although the nomad gets my blood pumping and makes me giddy, I will not quit my job to walk the Pacific Crest Trail or take a road trip on Route 66 and stop at every weird sign, object, art, or motel. But those are things I would like to do. I think the nomads are a dying breed. Most are all very young, in their 20's, and are still able to rely on their parents for support (money and room and board). They will only be nomads for a short time and then will "grow up" and get steady jobs with retirement plans and medical benefits. Others are getting on in years and worry about what will become of themselves. One of my NZ guides said that while he enjoys what he does, he cannot physically do the job for very much longer and is uncertain about what the next stage of life and employment will be.

I cannot and don't want to be a 100% nomad, but a 50% one is okay. I am in a hotel room in the desert writing this, so that counts. But even this gets old after a time. And living with one would be just fine because I'm gone half the time anyway, so that there isn't time to get seriously annoyed by their strange habits and tics. Or by the time either gets a stick up their rear, one or both are packing and heading out for work out in the world. Sounds great to me.

Well, I am not all that happy about how this entry ended up. It didn't come out the way I had wanted, but I want it out of the draft box so I can move on to all the other junk in my head needing release.

There comes a time…

When you just have to suck it up and make change happen.

Apparently to some, my latest posts have been a bit dreary. I will try to be a bit more… peppy and enthusiastic. And so to start it off: new favorite not really a swear word is… lint licker! Almost as good as hotard. So I guess my imaginary badass kiwi boyfriend isn’t going to spontaneously materialize in front of me. No “poof” there he is. Quite frankly, why would anyone from that little island country want to live in Gilroy? There are hardly any sheep, if any to keep you comfy at all, and it stinks of garlic and manure. I’m putting this part of my life on the back shelf for now and will concentrate on other things. Besides, I wouldn’t know what to do with him anyway.

I put my mii character into the wii fit. It told me I’m overweight, and should weigh 17 pounds less than I do now. Um, yeah. I’m 5’3” and built like a rugby player. I understand that I should loose about 10 pounds, which for me is a healthy fit weight. But 17? I did weigh that once… in college when I had mono and couldn’t eat for three weeks. Unless you really want to see a jaundiced sunken-eyed freak, it ain’t going to happen. That whole height/weight ratio thing just doesn’t work on me, it never has. The body/mass index is antiquated at best. But I guess it is still used because it is an easy calculation. Lord knows, I don’t do math well. The majority of people in this world do not look like Barbie. Actually she would most likely have severe back problems due to her, uh, top-heavy-ness. Or those scary supermodels that look like they just walked out of Auschwitz and beaten by their boyfriends. *shudders*

Because it is winter and I don’t get home till after the sun goes down, I’ve been occupying my time at home by reading a book called Living Abroad in New Zealand. Don’t worry, I’m not going anywhere unfortunately. Ironic that I choose to learn about the country only after I have returned home. It is quite interesting though. I’ve learned that it would be a very difficult process for me, if I ever did try to immigrate. I would need an actual legitimate reason for one, and I don’t have one. They use a point system to even review your application. I would have a pretty darn good score there because I have two degrees and am under 55 years of age. The only thing is, I don’t have the income. Even with these two degrees and being in a supervisory position at work (and sometimes I even have minions), I am still just at the poverty line. Because I live in California, I think I am actually under the line, but don’t quote me on that. Of course if I lived elsewhere in the U.S., it would be the same situation because my pay would be modified to the standard of living of whatever state I’d move to. And remember in an earlier post here I said that NZ pays their archaeologists better? Well, I lied. Sorry. I typed in my salary to a currency converter today, and it turns out that I’m right at the same pay scale.

I’ve also picked out a new paint color for my room. I’ve decided that it is too dark and depressing in there, so I will lighten things up a bit. Perhaps that will help. And I have hardly turned on the TV since I got back from vacation. I have no real desire to watch anything. And I quit Netflix. I had a dvd sitting here for three weeks, never watched. So why pay for something you aren’t using. We still don’t have phone or internet at the house. So I haven’t been able to occupy my time surfing and geeking out. And I like geeking out! Plus it is how I talk with my friends who live so far far away. I was going to go explore/walk in one of the parks I have not been to before over the past weekend but it’s winter and an inversion layer came in and well, it was cold and overcast. Will definitely get outside this weekend!..... unless it’s raining. Then I just might get motivated to paint the room.

Change is definitely needed in my life. Loose those 10 pounds so I can wear a bathing suit in Hawaii and not feel self-conscious. Wow I’ll have to buy a bathing suit. Haven’t had one or worn one since my roommate in college needed people in her aquatic class. It’s just that I am a lazy couch potato by nature. Motivation is needed. Now, where to find that. Do I have to get up off the couch? Really? Fine, ugh. Ok.

Was that peppy and enthusiastic enough? No? I just can’t help it. The winter months tend to be a bit depressing to me. Thank god I don’t live where it snows or freezes. And I’m having a pimple break-out a la high school. And I am envious/jealous of those who seem to have what they want already or know what they want in life. How do they do that? I still don’t know what I want to be when I grow up. What’s that? I am a grown-up? Shut-up!

**A friend told me today that she loves my new attitude toward work since I got back from NZ.

What to do...

Guess what? It's raining. Oh, it's done now. I am here at the office on a Friday all by myself. Everyone else, all two of them, are in the field or meetings today. So what have I done? I fixed all the spelling errors on most of these blog posts. I didn't bother with the grammatical errors. That's just a waste of my time. I have done some work though too.

My hike the other day was nice. I did a loop trail at Coyote Lake (a Santa Clara County Park). I had never been there before. It is beautiful, and there is a nice community there as well of small ranches. The trail was closed, but I did it anyway. The sign said the trail was closed to equestrians and bicyclists. It said nothing about people on foot. So I had it all to myself. The only wildlife I encountered, if you even want to call it wildlife were turkeys. I picked up some books at the book store the other day. One is a small book on easy trails in the San Jose East Bay region. I think I will go through and walk all of them.

And now for something completely different:

I've been emailing a friend of mine recently and she said some interesting things that got me thinking. We were discussing the fact of why we are both still single and in our 30's. The two of us live very different lives but we are similar. We are both strong, opinionated, independent women. I had a boyfriend in college, but it wasn't until that relationship ended, that I realized what I had become and I didn't like it. That put me off relationships for quite a while. Two things came to mind when I realized I will be the crazy lady with cats. (I'm already crazy, just don't have any cats yet)
1. I have no social life. You need one to actually meet people and get friends. But I don't like going out. And I'm an anxious nervous freak when I have to meet new people, so I try to avoid it as much as possible.
2. Like I said earlier, I'm very independent. I've been "alone" as it were for a long time. I can and have lived just fine all by myself. I don't need a "man" to do anything, because I can do it. I can build a bookcase, mow the lawn, lay a brick patio, take out the trash, and even get rid of a partially decapitated mouse in a trap, all by myself. I can even change a light bulb! And I do a job that most Americans think as a male profession. Although in reality there are more female archaeologists than male these days.

And so we have decided (my friend and I) that because of this fierce independent nature, men are usually put off by it. The ones we are attracted to are not attracted to us. And those who are interested tend to be, how should I say, a bit on the girly side, which for me is not an attractive trait. It is kind of off-putting when I'm more of a man than he is. They either want to "take care of you" or want to be "taken care of". And we don't need either. I am capable of wearing the shiny armor and riding a white horse, I don't need to be "rescued". And I sure ain't going to "rescue" you. Just get up off your damn ass and "get it done".

And so according to my friend we will be crazy single ladies the rest of our lives. And there is nothing wrong with that. The world needs crazy cat ladies. And she may be right, I don't know. I've gotten this far on my own, and it ain't too shabby. Only that the single life can be, at times, a lonely life. But that's why we get CATS!