conundrum

While I couldn't sleep the other night, waiting for the weird bout of heartburn to go away (apparently had too much milk, the horror!) I decided to read some of the posts i'd written that had the most page views. I was trying to figure out what I say in those that I don't say in the others and why they get more views than most of the others. I have some theories, but that isn't what this is about. I also re-read the post I had written 2 months ago and pulled off the blog and sent back to the "draft" box because I was scared it was too personal or revealing. I've decided it's a good post, and would possibly fall under "would get more views than others" category. Still debating, may remain in "draft" forever.

When I originally wrote it, I thought I'd send it to someone first and get their opinion before posting it. I thought that again the other night when I re-read it. Then I thought about who I would send it to. Then it really hit me, there isn't anyone.

I have only a handful of friends. And when I say a handful I really mean it. I can count them on one hand. I have a lot of acquaintances that I am friendly with but don't hang out with them, or share friendshipy things with them. And even the handful of people I consider my friends don't know the inner workings of my nuts-o brain... not really.

Then I felt sad that my handful of friends don't really know me. Friendship is a two way street. I don't share with them the inner workings of my nuts-o brain and they don't share theirs with me. So I don't really know them either. Then I was really sad. But I got over it.

Does anyone really know anybody? Really? Isn't that the fun part? Constantly learning new things about each other? Getting to say, "I didn't know that" and "I had no idea" or in some cases, "holy crap, really?"

The other thing I realized about my handful of friends is that I think all of them are extroverts whom I see as having a crapload of friends besides myself. Me: extreme introvert to the point of being a hermit. Them: extroverts with crazy busy social lives and calenders packed full of people and dinner parties.

I love my extroverted friends. I don't see them very often. Some, it's been years. But when I do see them, they tend to bring the snarky side of me out, and I tend to shock them with what comes out of my mouth. It's fun.

Single and Proud

I know it’s been done before on countless blogs, but I haven’t done it on this one and have you read all those other countless blogs? I don’t think so. Since the overly hyped and stupid holiday called Valentine’s Day is approaching, I thought it would be a good time to write about how kick-ass it is to be single. I’ve been single for a long time. A very long time. And that is not likely to change any time soon. And I’m okay with that.

So, why being single is kick-ass (in no particular order):

1.) Don’t have to hold in farts, burps, or random tummy noises or explain/apologize for doing them (especially the really smelly ones).
2.) The bed is all mine ( I can sleep diagonally if I want to).
3.) Don’t have to groom/pluck/tweeze/wax/shave body hair.
4.) Can ogle/drool/fantasize over pretty people and not feel guilty or dirty.
5.) Don’t have to dress up or go to boring dinner parties where I know absolutely no one.
6.) Can drink a beer... in the shower (have you ever done that? It’s awesome).
7.) Don’t have to explain to anyone, where I have been and with whom I was doing it with.
8.) Can read a dirty cover romance novel and not hide it.
9.) Can watch TV in my room at 2am with the sound up.
10.) I can up and leave whenever I want, and for any length of time.
11.) Vacations are cheaper (only paying for one).
12.) Don’t have to buy shit for another person on Valentine’s Day, Anniversaries, Birthday’s, Christmas, etc.
13.) Don’t have to play nice with in-laws or friends.
14.) Don’t have to explain my love of action/fantasy B movies.
15.) I don’t have to share...anything.
16.) Can kiss whomever I want on New Years... or no one at all.
17.) Can have as many cats as I want.
18.) I can be as girly as I want or as masculine as I want, whenever I want.
19.) I don’t have to stop any of my ticks or habits that others find annoying.
20.) I can leave my dirty underwear on the floor (not that I usually do, but I can if I want).
21.) I can eat crackers in bed... and I have... with cheese of course.
22.) I can cry freely at a Hallmark commercial.
23.) I can be as lazy and disgusting as I want... until my OCD kicks in.
24.) Can watch a Dr Who or Too Cute marathon all weekend.


By being single I have learned to do many things on my own. I am fiercely independent, perhaps to a fault. I can and have enjoyed going to the movies by myself. Eating at a restaurant, party of one. Travel to distant lands by myself. I love walking into a hotel room and seeing a king sized bed all for me. There is a freedom to being single, and I’m not sure I ever want to give that up. Do I ever feel lonely? Sure. But you can be surrounded by people who love you and still feel lonely. Having a significant other doesn’t change those feelings all the time. I’m not like The Doctor. I don’t need a companion to keep me sane. I am my own companion. And thankfully, February 14th is just another normal Thursday for me.

What's in a name?

Someone once asked me if I had a blog. I said, why yes I do. Really, doesn’t everyone these days? I directed said person to my blog. Then said person somewhat snickered at the name of my little blog, The Lonely Traveler. I sort of just shrugged it off at the time. But in reality, it kinda hurt. I spent a long time coming up with the name, I put a lot of thought into it. Or at least, I thought I did.

And so, I will now explain it to you. I’ve had this little blog for.... dear lord, six years? Holy crap. It’s about time I explained myself then.

Why I chose, The Lonely Traveler: The obvious one is, that I do tend to travel alone. And not by choice, or so I thought at the time, six years ago. I think now, I tend to travel alone because I want to. And I think that started when I finally went to New Zealand, alone. The trip was to be my graduation present to myself for making it through graduate school. But of course when one graduates from university with any degree, said person is in debt. So instead of using what money I had on the trip, I started paying off my loans. Then I couldn’t get any one of my friends to commit to going with me. They were either still in school themselves, or getting married, or having babies, or were dirt poor, yadda yadda yadda. So finally after four years, I drummed up the courage to go it alone. I did it. It was completely awesome. And you can all read about it, if you haven’t already on this very blog under December 2009. Wow, that was almost 3 years ago now. Time flies when you aren’t paying attention.

I still get nervous when I go off on my own. I was nervous when I flew out to North Carolina last month, but once there, I had a grand ole time. I will be driving myself from Wyoming to Chicago and Minnesota come July. Granted I will be visiting dear friends, but that is 5 days of driving on my own. I’ve noticed that I like being able to stop whenever I feel like it to take a breather, go on a short walk about, piss break, what have you. I like that freedom of not having to confer with fellow travellers. If I want to stop and look at the giant ball of twine then, gosh darn it, I will. If I see a trail head sign by the side of the road, then it is within my right to stop the car and go for a hike.

I’ve also come to the stark realization that I do not travel well, unless it is a designed road trip. Me and planes/ trains/ boats/ busses/ and apparently kayaks, do not get along. Getting to the destination is not the fun part. I love going places, seeing cool things, etc. So I put up with the fact that I will be a nervous miserable wreck getting to them, because I know that it is worth it, in the end. Puking in that stupid small airplane bathroom is totally worth it, trust me. I like traveling to work destinations alone too. Don’t get me wrong, I like traveling with co-workers. They are usually great fun and we tend to have the most bizarre discussions. And traveling with my family is usually quite a hoot as well.

I do find at times that I wish there was someone in the passenger seat next to me who I could talk to about this or that, or be able to show them this or that as I pass by on the road. Or wish that there was someone with me on those long flights who would engage me and make me laugh hysterically to take my mind off the fact that there are still 7 hours left of said flight.

Now the less obvious (and more serious?): I am not an extrovert. I am an extreme introvert. I can go for days, not saying a single word. I force myself to do things and when put into leadership roles, force myself to be said leader. Doing this puts a lot of stress on me, so when I have the chance to be just one of the sheep, I say baaahhhhh. I have friends, but none of them know my secrets, desires, and whatever. Some of them know some things, others know other things, but none of them know everything. I don’t have the obligatory “best friend” with whom one shares every dirty little thing and knows you better than you know yourself. I am by nature and by my own design alone, and therefore often lonely. Which is why I tend to go off on hikes by myself or long walks through town contemplating and debating with myself said loneliness and usually drawing no definitive conclusions. It’s an endless cycle of woe is me, I have no friends, no social life, yet don’t do anything to change that, and realize I find comfort within myself and don’t need that social fluff.

There’s no “bestie”, boyfriend, soulmate, or life partner. I know that there may never be. Some days, I’m fine with that and relish it (I quite enjoy the fact that the entire bed is mine and I can flop, turn, twist, and contort my body anywhere I please), other days, not so much. But that’s life.

So basically, I am a lonely traveler. But that’s the way I like it. Oh, that last bit is kinda depressing. Sorry about that.

adjusting

Working from home has been, well, an adjustment. One would think that an opportunity to work from home would be ideal. It may be ideal if I actually had the space and was set up for it. I’m not. I take over a corner of the kitchen table and run an Ethernet cord from my bedroom (where our cable comes into the house) down the hall through the living room and into the kitchen. Then when my nephews come home from school, it’s a battle for the cord so they can play their online video games. Working from home is distracting. Home has always been home, my escape from work. Now, work is in my home. It’s also pretty lonely. There’s no one to talk to to discuss whatever it is I’m working on. I have to call someone, and try to explain to them what I’m working on or looking at. And there is no one here to motivate me. When we had an office with actual people in it, we weren’t watched 24/7 or felt watched, but because my co-workers were there, I was motivated. Other people working, makes me work. Now I have to motivate myself. That is not one of my top skills; trust me. My sister and I made a small table today for my work computer and accessories (scanner, speakers, keyboard, etc). That’s right, we made a table. I routered and everything! I’ll still be in the kitchen, but I won’t have to “put” everything away at the end of each day. We shall see how it goes. I’m still adjusting. I still don’t know if I like it or dislike it. I do like that I can now go to work in my PJ’s and nobody looks at me funny.

I never thought I’d miss the commute to the office, but I do. Not the 2 hours I spent in my car every day, but the daily habit of “going to the office”. And right now the drive up the mountain is beautiful. The trees are changing and loosing their leaves, and when the wind blows, it’s like snow… only its leaves.

A Fifty One Minute and Twenty Second Moment in Song

Something a little different this time. I talk a lot about my job and other experiences in my life usually pertaining to my job here but another big part of my life is music. Some of you know this and others of you don’t. And although I don’t play any of those instruments very much anymore, the music is still very much apart of me. I never played music for the pleasure of others as much as I played for my own enjoyment. And so here is one of the soundtracks that has touched me and says a lot about me for a brief blip of my life. The blip happened to be the flight home from New Zealand and the months following the trip. Now I know I’ve talked quite extensively about the trip and such so just indulge me one last time…. or two or three.

Jack Johnson’s, Sleep Through the Static



I started listening to the album while flipping through all the music the flight offered. I needed something to distract me from myself and since we were experiencing turbulence, I couldn't watch anything (would have made me sick). And I wanted to sleep but couldn't due to the aforementioned turbulence and the fact that we were packed in like sardines. So I selected Jack Johnson. He was also fresh in my head because his other album, "In Between Dreams" was played a few times by our guides on the bus with their little ishuffle and tiny speaker.

The first song: All At Once

All at once,
The world can overwhelm me
There's almost nothin' that you could tell me
That could ease my mind

Which way will you run
When it's always all around you
And the feelin' lost and found you again
A feelin' that we have no control
Around the sun
Some say
There's gonna be the new hell
Some say
It's still too early to tell
Some say
It really ain't no myth at all

Keep askin' ourselves are we really
Strong enough
There's so many things that we got
Too proud of
We're too proud of
We're too proud of

I wanna take the preconceived
Out from underneath your feet
We could shake it off
Instead we'll plant some seeds
We'll watch em' as they grow
And with each new beat
From your heart the roots grow deeper
The branches will they reach for what
Nobody really knows
But underneath it all
Theres this heart all alone

What about is gone
And it really won't be so long
Sometimes it feels like a heart is no place to be singin' from at all

Theres a world we've never seen
Theres still hope between the dreams
The weight of it all
Could blow away with a breeze
If your waiting on the wind
Don't forget to breathe
Cause as the darkness gets deeper
We'll be sinkin as we reach for love
At least somethin we could hold
But I'll reach to you from where time just cant go

What about is gone
And it really wont be so long
Sometimes it feels like a heart is no place to be singin' from at all


What hit me right off was the first few verses. It was exactly how I felt at that moment in time. I was overwhelmed emotionally. I couldn't escape my own mind running over and over my life and that I seemed to be stuck and didn't know how to get out. And it just hit me like a sack full of quarters upside the head. And it brought me to the brink of tears. I didn't want to be going home. But I knew I had to. But then, did I really?

What You Thought You Need

I can't give you everything you want
But I could give you what you thought you need.
A map to keep beneath your seat, you've been to me in time I'll get you there.
I fold it up so we don't find our way back soon, nobody knows we're here.

We can park the van and walk to town
Find the cheapest bottle of wine that we could find
And talk about the road behind how getting lost is not a waste of time.

The water moor will take us home in the moment we will sing as the forest sleeps.

Well it's all for the sake of arriving with you
Well it's all .. for the sake of arriving with you

Well, I will make the table into a bed
The candle is burning down its time to rest.
I can't take back things already gone, but I could give you promises for keeps.

And I would only take them back if they become your own and you give them to me .

And it's all for the sake of arriving with you.
Well it's all for the sake of arriving with you.

We could make this into anything
We could make this into more than words we speak.
This could make us into anything
It could make us grow and become what we'll be.

Mmmmmm...
How and we really know
It's just like it feels.

This one hit home the loneliness I feel at times and my want of companionship. I went to New Zealand alone, spent a week on my own there, and was now flying home alone. And I kept thinking how much I would enjoy trips like the one I just did more if I had someone to experience it right along with me. Now I know I don't need anyone. But want and need are two very different things.

Go On

What is the purpose of my life
If it doesn't ever do
With learning to let it go
Live vicariously through you
You can do the same
It's the least you can do
Cause it's a lonely little chain
If you don't add to it

That is just a portion of the song, but it has a point. We all must play our part. There is a purpose, at least we all tend to search for a purpose. Or we live vicariously through others with "more exciting" lives than our own. But we should live for ourselves, and not live lives that other people think we should.

I listened to the album a few times on the flight and then I found myself listening to it at home and in the car, to and from work. I can't decide if it helps or hinders my depressive moods. I haven't been listening to it exclusively lately, although while writing this I have listened to it twice now in a row. When I listen to it, I am right back in the plane bouncing around in the turbulence thinking about what I experienced in NZ, what I did, what I should have done, things I said, should have said, and the uncertainty of my future. Sorrow and mourning what I left, and having to face reality back home. I just find it fascinating that a piece of music will come along at a certain point in my life and just fit.

If you are interested you can listen to the album here and it is available through itunes. http://www.jango.com/music/Jack+Johnson?l=0

And so it ends

Act VI
Dec. 21st
Auckland

Kia Ora. Today was my last full day in New Zealand. Tomorrow afternoon I head off to the airport for the long trek home. Auckland is huge with people everywhere. It sort of reminds me of San Francisco without the urine trashy streets and homeless people. There are a few homeless here, I think I saw two. So to get away from all the people and the noise of the city I took the ferry over to Devonport. It is a suburb of Auckland across the harbor. There were still people, but a lot less. I walked around the shops and cafes and such and then went down to one of the small little beaches and just sat there and contemplated. I had the little beach to myself except for a little old married couple sitting in their beach chairs.

After I got back to Auckland, I went to Skycity, which is a hotel/casino/restaurant/store/mini Vegas, and got all my gift/tourist stuff taken care of. I should have done it in Christchurch. It had better stores, but hindsight and all that. And now I am back in my hotel room where the TV doesn’t work. Not that it is a big issue, they only have 10 channels here in New Zealand, and two of them are sports 24/7.

I still don’t want to come home. I don’t want to go back and be responsible and junk. Why does living have to cost so much? Touring around on my own isn’t a whole lot of fun, but it beats not coming here at all because I had no one to come here with.

I came here to get away from my job, which seems to have taken over my life. And here is what I have figured out, or sort of figured out, or whatever.

1. My sister’s boys (especially the younger one) would absolutely love it here. I think they would have a great time doing the REI Adventure tour. Heck, I want to do it again! I think this country is right up their alley. And it would get the older one off his cell phone. Heh heh.
2. I don’t think I want to do my job anymore. Or in the very least spend as much of my time as I do at it. In the grand scheme of things, it isn’t that important. The world will not come to a crashing halt if I don’t finish that report that no one will ever read on time. If I do decide to quit though, I have no idea what to do. I put a lot of time, money, and education into this job, but that in the long run doesn’t mean squat either.
3. This one is personal so no sharing with the world.

See you all on the flip side.

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Not yet, please!

Act IV: Scene IX
Dec. 16-18th.
Braemar Station

As I write this I am back in Christchurch, had been dropped off at my hotel for the next two nights in the early afternoon. The REI trip is over. And I’m really bummed. I didn’t want it to end. I still have 3.5 days left here in New Zealand, but being back in this city with all these people and buildings and alone is well… lonely. I’m meeting B. for dinner tonight because she doesn’t fly home till tomorrow, so this will be my last meal here with someone to share it with.

Well, on Dec. 16th we had some time before leaving Manapouri to wander. I went down to the beach of Lake Manapouri. I also have a picture of the view from my room at 10:00pm overlooking the lake. I forget how far south we really are here. The sun is up by 5am and doesn’t set till just before 10pm. It will be strange going home and having the sun set at 5pm and up at 7am. I kind of like these long summer days here. But I suppose the trade off is really really short days during the winter months here. Anyway, we left Manapouri and drove back through Te Anua and Queenstown, where we were on our own for lunch. Most of us went to “The Ferg Burger” and split burgers. They were big but mighty tasty too. B. and I walked around Queenstown a few times and got bored. So we just sat down and people watched till it was time to meet back up with the bus. Then we drove some more, and stopped at the bridge where the first Bungee Jump took place. We watched a few people bungee, but none of us did it. We drove some more and stopped at a salmon farm where we fed the salmon what looked like rabbit poo and smelled of dog food. The salmon liked it but none of the humans wanted to try it. S. picked out some fresh salmon for dinner and then we drove some more to Braemar Station.




Dinner was salmon. I tried it, but didn’t like it. It was the only meal she made I didn’t like. Braemar Station is beautiful. It is a HUGE sheep/cow/horse/etc farm. We are staying in a house that was used by sheep shearers. So there are beds everywhere. We had some time before dinner would be ready so most of us just went wandering. I walked up to a small hill and just sat down in the grass and stared at the mountains and the water (There’s a lake there too). I watched the clouds roll over Mt. Cook (The tallest mountain in New Zealand). I think I sat there for 20 minutes. So very very peaceful. I then went and looked at the baby sheep with their moms in a paddock nearby, and had a staring contest with a lamb. The lamb won.



The next morning (Dec. 17th) was our last hike and the most challenging hike. Sealy Tarns. Only a 3-hour hike round trip but practically straight up a mountain. Only 5 of the 7 of us did the hike, plus S. and M. It was challenging going up. It is not for short people. But it was amazing at the top. We had lunch at the top and did a group picture and stuff. Great view of Mt. Cook and the surrounding glaciers and rivers. I had jelly legs all the way back down but I did just fine. Everyone made it down safely. We took a small break back at the bus and some of us went and did another small hike (not uphill) called The Hooker Valley Track which if you go to the end you get sort of close to one of the glaciers. This walk though had a crapload of tourists on it. And we didn’t have time to do the entire thing, so most of us turned around after an hour or so. I walked it back by myself, and was first back to the bus, at which point I woke M. up from his nap. Sorry. He and S. didn’t do the second hike with us. M. took us to the visitor center there at Mt. Cook and we walked around and learned all sorts of things about the mountain. Then it was an hour drive back to Braemar. Dinner was BBQ venison sausages, beef steak, and lamb chops. Yummy!

This was our last night together. So we had the “what was your favorite place/hike/meal/etc” questions and giving M. and S. their thank you cards and tips and such. We all watched the sunset and the Space Station cross the sky, and then at around 1:30am some of us got up and went to look at the stars. OH MY GOD!!! WOW! I have never in my life seen that many stars. I have never seen Orion completely, or the Milky Way at all before. Just amazing! We went out there to see the Southern Cross, but none of us could figure out where it was or if we were too early. But I didn’t care, it was still really cool.

Dec.18th. we got up and had breakfast and packed up and got back into Christchurch by 1pm. And I’m sore from the hike. I’m pretty ho-hum about the rest of my stay here. It feels like nothing can top what I have seen in the last 10 days. And it went by so fast. M. and S. were great. Just awesome guides. They were funny, informative, friendly, and just great to be around. I don’t really know what to say. My fellow REI travelers were good too. No complaints really. They were all friendly and pleasant. I didn’t strike up any lasting friendships with any of them (I think), even though B. lives in SF and C. and P. live in Pleasanton. I didn’t feel any real lasting connection. But I am so glad I did the REI trip because I never would have seen or done any of the things we saw or did otherwise. And being with the group was good. I liked not having to think about where or what I would eat, where I would sleep, where I needed to go.

I accidentally left my hiking boots on the bus. I don’t know if I’ll get them back, but if I don’t, then it’s one less thing I have to pack. It is strange. I really wanted the trip to go on. M. and S. were exhausted. They have 2 days off and then are doing the entire thing over again with a new REI group over Christmas and New Years. I thought about it, it would be cool to spend my birthday here. Not by myself but if I had chosen the next trip as opposed to the one I just did. Oh well. All I know is that I don’t want to spend this birthday watching the dumb dog again, like I did last year. Sorry sis, but I am not babysitting this year.

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Taft: the "other" hell

Once again it has been a long time and once again I apologize. Instead of writing Part 3 of the what I really do trilogy, I will instead give you a brief update on what I am doing now. And let me tell you, it has started me thinking about my job and do I really want to keep doing it.

For the past three months I have been here. (the project is done for now... it ended up being almost 7 months) The Navel Petroleum Reserve of Elk Hills, outside the city of Taft. For those of you who know California, it is even grosser than the armpit (Bakersfield) which is about 45 minutes northeast. I, along with my co-supervisor with our crew of minions, have been surveying out here in the hills (which can be like scaling a cliff), the flats (which look flat and easy but aren't - stupid drainage's), amongst the deranged cows, deranged locals, weird guys from Texas, 114 degree heat (it cracked our windshield), toxic and lethal gasses (hello hydrogen sulfate), and some other things I won't mention. It's a good thing I never really wanted to have any children because after this job and the who knows what I have been exposed to, if I did have a kid it would probably come out with three arms, one leg, half an eye, and be a total Debbie Downer.

Let me see if I can sum up the project in as few of words as possible. It is a 3D seismic project which means these doofus Texan's are basically "taking a picture" of the underlying strata (earth) to find more oil. To do that they lay out what are called geophones which pick up the vibrations from the vibe trucks (which are really really really big tonka trucks with huge "pads" that when placed on the ground can shake your intestines right out of you. When they are not allowed to use the vibe trucks (steep or unstable terrain, biologists spotted endangered species, or us archaeologists found yet another brick ruble pile from 1929) they use drills and stick dynamite in a hole and blow it up... well, not up but down. It's very comforting hearing a boom boom boom off in the distance. So anyway, we walk the "trails" the trucks will be driving, and the geophone lines, and source lines (which are the lines the vibe trucks will shake or blow up). We walk and walk and walk. To date we have located over 500 archaeological sites. Now don't get your panties in a knot. Most of these sites are associated with the production of oil and oil like products. People started drilling here in the early 1900's (anyone see that Daniel Day-Lewis movie called "There Will Be Blood"?? It was based on the first oilers in Taft). So we find glass bottle fragments (most of the whole bottles have been looted), tobacco tins, lots of beer, dishware. Basically there are two types of sites: domestic refuse and remnants of abandoned oil wells and there associated out buildings (sumps, furnaces, broilers, etc.) Sometimes it is interesting, like finding medicine bottles for hemorrhoids. But it also gets pretty drab after the two hundredth brick scatter.

So i'm not sure what is keeping me sane.... maybe i'm not. The environment is very unforgiving. It is desolate, dusty, toxic, and at times smells like a rotten egg threw-up in a sewage pond. The pay sucks (don't get compensated for overtime because i'm salary, not compensated for the drive to and from my house to Taft which is a 4 hour drive each way. I think I should get something for having to drive past Harris Ranch), the best hotel in Taft has a cockroach problem and a semi-creepy manager and horrible internet, the rental car place doesn't know squat when I tell them a minivan will not work for me, what part of 4-wheel drive do you not understand, and I could go on.

But what I realized on my way home today was this; i'm isolated and alone. I'm surrounded by people all day and I have to interact all day, but i'm alone. I'm in charge and I have to act like i'm in charge which means I cannot ever be just one of the crew. I'm with them, but not one of them. Does that make any sense? And what is freaking me out is that everyone knows my name and who I am, but I don't know their name or what they do half the time. With the seismic crew alone there are over 70 people.

I don't like being in charge and responsible for all these people (I have 4 crew members and that will grow to 7 on Tuesday). Unfortunately I do ok at it, and therefore get more stuff to do and more people to manage. So i'm isolated. I'm also isolated from the world around me. I'm only home 7 days out of the month (you have no idea how much a person can miss the simplest of things like your own bed sheets), and it's not like I can go take a class at the community college or a gym class or book club, or god forbid try and schedule a doctor's appointment when there is only 2 days in the month you're available.

*I wrote this while in Taft in month 3. We were there for 7 months. My co-supervisor and I really did almost go insane. Both of us contemplated (seriously) quitting right then and there. We had to deal with cranky crew (mostly they kicked-ass), very stupid clients, extremely long hours 10-12 hour days, micro organisms, rashes, aches, pains, and all around misery.

*as a result of this project (it is still ongoing, but most of the field work is done) I will be leaving for a month to New Zealand. I will be away from the job for over a month, since it also over laps with the christmas holidays. Hopefully the time away from the job will help give a better perspective on my life and my job (do I really want to do this job questions). And if i don't want to continue, what do I want to do? My hope is that I will come back happy with clean lungs and a new appreciation of well, everything.