Have you tried rebooting? I hear it's all the rage

Just turn it off and on again. Instead of New Years resolutions, and yes I know I'm posting this before Christmas, I'm rebooting myself. Every single New Years resolution I have ever made, I've broken. It doesn't work for me. And I'm not saying making them is bad. I think for some people, maybe even many people, they are good. They are suppose to motivate you, to make you want to become better human beings. So be a better human being, dammit! sorry

I've decided to reboot instead. Like clearing your web browser. Or cleaning out your cache and deleting your cookies (your web cookies, not the real ones in the cupboard). Or hitting reset on that game. But more like actually rebooting your computer after it crashes right before your auto save saves so you loose all the work you just did. Yeah, that. So instead of punching my metaphorical computer (myself) or going all Office Space on it every time it crashes (fails at something), I'm going to reboot (start over) it.

I'm also not waiting till next week either (why does everything new have to start on January 1st? It's just another day, it's not like some super awesome most amazing person was also born on that day or anything). I hesitate to say I've had a sucky year because I know that many have had WAY worse times than I, but it wasn't all sunshine, butterflies, and rainbows. Not even a single unicorn.

Part of my reboot was getting help for my depression. Yay. I started journaling, which has helped in pulling the writer part of me out of her dark dank hole (hello blogger, nice to know you still exist on the internet). And today I got a haircut. May not seem like such a big deal to you but I haven't cut my hair in well over a year. I did cut my own bangs (so I could continue to see out of my eyeballs) and I did shave off the back (that was sort of liberating), but still, going out and having some stranger try to make small talk while cutting my hair is a big deal, okay? Geesh. I think I did good though. I think I said enough random mundane things to not make her think I was too much of an awkward, slightly pudgy, crazy cat lady freak show. There were only a few long drawn out silences. I call that a win. Also the "blowout" part where she pulls your hair with the brush thingy and the hair dryer bit felt good. Yeah, I'm not weird at all.

Also today I bought a new shower poof. So out with the old and in with the new. Apparently you're suppose to switch them out every 30 days????? Seriously?? Yeah, I uh.... well... *cough* I have a new one now. I should switch to a new toothbrush while I'm thinking about it.

With the journaling thing I mentioned above, I've been writing three goals for the next day. They are by no means monumental goals. Not trying to save the rhinos or anything. They are usually quite simple, like do all your work assignments, make dinner, go for a run, do laundry, or shower because you stink. Small things. And some days even these small things are too monumental for me to accomplish, but I can usually do one or two. So I am finding that even though some days I can only manage a shower, I've accomplished something that day. I wasn't a failure... at that. And guess what, I ran twice this week. Don't mind that that was last weeks goal, but I did do it. I'm learning to celebrate the little accomplishments. I got out of bed today and put on adult clothes! Woo Hoo!

So yeah, please stand by while I reboot... it may take a little time... you may want to go get some snacks.

To My Mom: Part IV Valentine Special

So last year on Valentine's Day... or was it two years ago... Anyway, some time ago I wrote this post about how cool it is being single. It was two years ago. It still holds true for me today. I never really liked Valentine's Day. Maybe because 98% of time when that day rolls around, I'm single.

When I lived at my house with the sis and the boys, sis would give us all Valentine's cards and candy. We would also get Easter baskets stuffed with peeps on Easter, and stockings full of candy pooping reindeer at Christmas. This year I didn't get anything. And that is fine by me, cus, I didn't get anyone anything either. I don't like jewelry, I don't wear it. I don't like flowers either. They look pretty, but they're going to die. I don't see the point of giving someone you love something that is now dead. Kind of morbid, really. And I like chocolate, but I prefer it everyday, not just once a year when it is heart shaped and costs twice as much.

I say all that, because I remembered something today. Way back when I was away at college, I had broken up with a boyfriend and I was quite lonely and depressed. And I was sitting in my crappy apartment staring at the wall or something, and I see a delivery guy walking by my apartment window with flowers and a balloon. And I'm sitting there wondering who they are going to and wow that's pretty cheesy. Maybe he's going to my next door neighbors. But he knocked on my door.

I was shocked. Why would I get flowers? They were from my mom. She totally brightened my day. I don't know if she knew I was feeling down at the time. But she sent me flowers. Those were the best flowers I ever got. And I loved them!



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Aw Family

So over the holidays, my entire immediate family (ie my siblings and their families) gathered at my parents house. On one of the days my mom had her best friend take some family photos. Because mom wanted family photos, and we always do what mom says. I helped my mom post some of her favorites on her Facebook page.

My CBF (Childhood Best Friend) commented on this one saying that the picture is great, just not how she remembers us.

Cropped sis out for reasons, not because I don't like her

She should know, she spent a lot of time at our house growing up. And it's true, we were being nice and civil and sort of serious... mostly because we wanted to get it over with as quickly as possible. We had other things to do, like eat and whoop each other at cards... and eat. Did I mention eating?

Now CBF has a point, back in the day this is how she posed for a picture my mom took:

Awww, isn't she just the sweetest

And this is how my brother and I posed:

I'm sure we made mom proud that day

Just for you, CBF. I will try harder next time to be not so serious and be my more silly self.

Single and Proud

I know it’s been done before on countless blogs, but I haven’t done it on this one and have you read all those other countless blogs? I don’t think so. Since the overly hyped and stupid holiday called Valentine’s Day is approaching, I thought it would be a good time to write about how kick-ass it is to be single. I’ve been single for a long time. A very long time. And that is not likely to change any time soon. And I’m okay with that.

So, why being single is kick-ass (in no particular order):

1.) Don’t have to hold in farts, burps, or random tummy noises or explain/apologize for doing them (especially the really smelly ones).
2.) The bed is all mine ( I can sleep diagonally if I want to).
3.) Don’t have to groom/pluck/tweeze/wax/shave body hair.
4.) Can ogle/drool/fantasize over pretty people and not feel guilty or dirty.
5.) Don’t have to dress up or go to boring dinner parties where I know absolutely no one.
6.) Can drink a beer... in the shower (have you ever done that? It’s awesome).
7.) Don’t have to explain to anyone, where I have been and with whom I was doing it with.
8.) Can read a dirty cover romance novel and not hide it.
9.) Can watch TV in my room at 2am with the sound up.
10.) I can up and leave whenever I want, and for any length of time.
11.) Vacations are cheaper (only paying for one).
12.) Don’t have to buy shit for another person on Valentine’s Day, Anniversaries, Birthday’s, Christmas, etc.
13.) Don’t have to play nice with in-laws or friends.
14.) Don’t have to explain my love of action/fantasy B movies.
15.) I don’t have to share...anything.
16.) Can kiss whomever I want on New Years... or no one at all.
17.) Can have as many cats as I want.
18.) I can be as girly as I want or as masculine as I want, whenever I want.
19.) I don’t have to stop any of my ticks or habits that others find annoying.
20.) I can leave my dirty underwear on the floor (not that I usually do, but I can if I want).
21.) I can eat crackers in bed... and I have... with cheese of course.
22.) I can cry freely at a Hallmark commercial.
23.) I can be as lazy and disgusting as I want... until my OCD kicks in.
24.) Can watch a Dr Who or Too Cute marathon all weekend.


By being single I have learned to do many things on my own. I am fiercely independent, perhaps to a fault. I can and have enjoyed going to the movies by myself. Eating at a restaurant, party of one. Travel to distant lands by myself. I love walking into a hotel room and seeing a king sized bed all for me. There is a freedom to being single, and I’m not sure I ever want to give that up. Do I ever feel lonely? Sure. But you can be surrounded by people who love you and still feel lonely. Having a significant other doesn’t change those feelings all the time. I’m not like The Doctor. I don’t need a companion to keep me sane. I am my own companion. And thankfully, February 14th is just another normal Thursday for me.

the tangent of my tangent, say wha?

I have been contemplating on whether or not I should write a sort of Christmas Letter blog post or not and how or what themes I should be making this blog as a whole. I had mentioned before that it all started as a way to explain and let my family and friends experience my life as a working archaeologist. However, I am not a working archaeologist anymore, and haven’t been for almost two years now. That part of my life seems to be over now. So the blog seems to be more of a general, “this is my life now” sort of deal. Which is fine. Nothing wrong with that. But I wonder if it is interesting anymore for the few readers I have, and for myself. I feel a sense of obligation to keep writing. I’ve talked with my dad about this often when he says, “I wonder about starting my own blog”. I have plenty to say. Blog ideas pop into my head all the time, I just don’t write them all down. Writing is tedious. There is a reason why I have never written a novel. I have an entire bookshelf of my own work in my head. And it will most likely remain there. I can’t seem to take the time to write it all out. It is all so visual in my head, that taking the time to write out in text what I see visually is just not appealing.

Random tangent there, if there ever was one. I am also thinking about when I should start up the webpage, blog, twitter, facebook, social media spew for my shop. Part of my marketing will rely heavily on social media. I was planning on starting a blog for the shop. Starting with the acquisition of the loans and investments, and all the preparations. Giving people “the story” as it happens. The highs and lows, struggles and victories up to the opening. The adventures we are going to have in retrofitting, remodeling, finding the perfect gems of fixtures and equipment. And then continuing on with the adventures of recipe building and the day to day running of a quirky little shop. All through the eyes of the fictional Jack, of Jack Diddly Squat.

Once that happens, will I still find the time to write here? I don’t know. It’s not like I have 100’s or 1000’s of readers. I have maybe 30 on a good post. Leaving this blog behind will not be devastating on anyone. The world will not end because of it. I don’t have that kind of power.

Everyone seems to reflect this time of year, myself included, obviously. This certainly isn’t how I saw my life turning out way back when I thought about what I wanted to do/be growing up. I never thought I’d become an archaeologist. And I certainly never thought I’d become an entrepreneur... in progress. I never thought I’d have an advanced degree, or that it would take 9 years of college education to get it. I never thought I would live here in Gilroy... and like it. I never thought I’d live with my parents as long as I did or that living with my sister would be an option.

I always thought I’d be married by now. I can’t remember now if I wanted kids when I dreamed about my future as a child. I don’t want them now. A partner - yes, kids - no. Could someone change my mind - possibly, but highly doubtful. I have no desire whatsoever to experience pregnancy, childbirth, nursing, or the responsibilities of parenthood. I don’t feel the need to “carry on my line”, my siblings have done that for me. Would it be fun to have a little “mini me” running around? Sure, but that is also one of the scariest things, ever! I have nephews. That is enough for me. I just have to hope now, that when I become old and certifiably crazy, that one of them will take me in. There are four of you, you can draw straws.

Yet another crazy tangent. This entire post is a tangent of a tangent. Ponder that for a while.

Decisions and holiday festivities

Killing multiple birds with one stone here. First off, it is major decision time for me. Can’t put it off much longer. I no longer have unemployment benefits. Apparently I worked too much in October. It was going to expire in January anyway. So I went and applied for school. Well, I didn’t actually go anywhere. I did it online while sitting on this very bed. I register for classes the week of December 14th. I will be taking Horticulture Landscaping classes. If anyone needs any work done, I’m available. (nudge nudge) Don’t have a part-time job yet to sustain this yet, but there is still time. This of course means that once school starts in February I will not be able to take archaeology jobs. Mostly because field jobs take me away from home for weeks at a time, and the whole point of going to school is actually physically going to school.

Which brings us to point number two. Archaeology. I will miss it. I love it, but it also almost destroyed me. I will miss my fellow archaeologists. They are very intelligent, gifted, loyal, down right raunchy people. It takes a special quality person to do the job, and I will miss them. I will miss the places I got to see and the places I will never get to. I was able to see and go places that most people never get to. Drive on roads that are locked, climb mountains where there are no trails, find artifacts that no one has touched in hundreds of years. I got to go to such a variety of places. I will miss exploring. I will however not miss the stress of report deadlines and client demands and expectations, the fear of angry and sometimes armed landowners who hate you just because you are an archaeologist. I will not miss the bureaucracy and blame being thrown at whomever is closest.* I was relieved when I got laid-off. A large burden that I never wanted in the first place was lifted. There were some responsibilities I hated, like having to deal with angry property owners, and clients who didn’t even understand what our job is and what it entails. Lets just face it, I hate confrontation. It makes me very uneasy whether it be clients or co-workers who don’t get along. Since being laid-off, all of those responsibilities no longer applied. I was essentially demoted. I am no longer a project manager/supervisor. I work now as just a field technician. I miss putting together site records, the artistry of drawing maps and features, manipulating photographs in the office. I have enjoyed the field work I have been able to do since that time. I enjoyed just being a member of the crew. I will miss it. I hope that perhaps during school breaks and over the summer I will have the opportunity to come back and do some field work. I’m not sure I can completely let it go. There is a part of me that will always crave it. The need to explore and find and see things for the very first time. Archaeology gave me access to feed that craving and paid me, to boot.

And thirdly, I’ll keep this one short. It is holiday season. I don’t tend to get excited about it. I don’t hang Christmas decorations, I only buy gifts for immediate family and don’t spend much on them (especially this year). It’s just not a big deal to me. I enjoy spending time with my family, don’t get me wrong. But I am like my father and his father before him. We like to be there. We want to be around everybody, but we don’t want to necessarily do anything. We just want to sit there and just be. When I think of this holiday time, it is for sappy hallmark movies and card commercials that make you cry. It is for movie marathons that last for days. It is time to watch Star Wars (episodes IV-VI only, I-III sucked ass) and Lord of the Rings (extended version), and old but good tv shows like Farscape and Firefly. And then watch them again with commentary. (Yes I do that, I admit it) It is for 1000+ piece puzzles. When I think of this time of year, that is what makes me happy. Oh and the BBC America channel always runs a Dr. Who marathon on New Years!!!! I have watched it 2 years in a row now. It is a great way to spend my birthday. Yes New Years Day is my birthday, you may be hung-over, but I will be in my comfy PJ’s gorging myself with food I shouldn't eat and watching Dr. Who for 12 hours straight. Bow Ties are cool!




*This is not necessarily individuals. Archaeological companies are usually the lowest on the totem pole of large projects that involve many agencies and companies, and often get the blame for running projects over budget.