Tuesday, February 11, 2014

This is the serious post... Don't panic.

Feeling very unacomplished lately. I need to get my ass in gear and figure out what I really want. What I really want to do with my life and what I really want to do as a job/career/ need to make more money than I am now.

Being back in a food/drink service job getting minimum wage makes me really yearn for the days when I was an extremely underpaid archaeologist. I was living just above paycheck to paycheck because I was able to save up for big things like plane tickets and DVD's and was able to pay for my car getting serviced and not having to put it on a credit card and taking 6 months to pay off $200 dollars.

Now I am living paycheck to paycheck and bleeding. I say bleeding because it isn't working. I don't make enough to sustain myself, and that makes me sad and angry and feel real bad about myself. I am in my 30's, I have two college degrees, I'm single so I don't have to sustain anyone but myself and I'm not doing it. My savings is just about empty. One major thing like my car breaking down, or a root canal or something like that, and I will be in the red, like I can't pay my mortgage red. I am only able to pay my portion of the mortgage every month just barely. I don't pay for the cable or utilities or even food. So really, I am not making it.

Things need to change, and they need to change soon. Nephew #2 is graduating in June and sis will want to move within the next year or so. And then what? Move back to mommy and daddy's? I hope not.

I'm the one who put myself in this situation, and I need to pull my head out of the sand and start moving and facing the problems I've been avoiding and start making things happen. The coffee shop job I have now was only suppose to be temporary. It was to be temporary stability, so I could work toward the shop dream. I only wanted to stay there 6 months to a year tops. It has been 8 months now.

I want to open my own little shop. I want to live in a little house with lots of land. I want a riding lawn mower and cats and finally live by myself. I want to be financially secure so I can fix my cars windshield and all the little things I've let slide or go because I can't afford them.

So how does one do this? How do I get moving and make forward progress?

Baby steps and with help. I admit that now. I've talked and hopefully planted a seed in one of you. And after 3 months of being a slouch, I'm finally running again. So yeah, baby steps and help.

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